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From my friend Gary Tietzel, who works inna biz:

Two recent press release from the world of home entertainment you may have missed:

WARNER HOME VIDEO ANNOUNCES NEW "KING KONG: OVERPRICED BOX OF USELESS CRAP" BLU-RAY EDITION

Burbank, CA--Warner Home Video today announced the upcoming release of "KING KONG: OVERPRICED BOX OF USELESS CRAP" Blu-Ray edition for November 31, 2009. The highly anticipated high definiation release of the beloved 1933 monster movie classic will carry a MSRP of $149.99.

"In the past, we sometimes offered consumers the choice between lower-priced edition of a classic film that included just the DVD, and a higher-proced boxed set containing stills, reproductions of programs and other little bits of crap the buyer would take out of the box, look at once, and then never look at again." said Warner Home Video spokesman Jonathan Fraser "But when Blu-Ray came along, we knew we had to rethink our strategy. Blu-Ray is all about giving viewers a new experience. We decided that experience should include forcing them to pay at least three times as much to get their favorite classic movies in HD, just to get a box of crap they don't really want or need."

"We started this program with CASABLANCA, THE WIZARD OF OZ and GONE WITH THE WIND, and had great success screwing over fans of classic movies. We are now taking this to the next level with KING KONG. Instead of printing up little postcard sized reproductions of stills they've seen a million times, we're going to save paper and just give consumers a bunch of pre-existing crap from local junk yards and land fills. We are making this a part of Warners' ongoing Green Initiative. Instead of killing trees, we're getting junk out of landfills and into people's homes."

The KING KONG: OVERPRICED BOX OF USELESS CRAP Blu-Ray Edition will include the following:

--The original 1933 classic in 1080p high-definition and lossless audio

--All the extras from the standard definition special edition, plus:

--Exciting new BD Live features that will allow you to waste even more time on the internet!

--A bag of lawn clippings from Jacksonville, Florida, Merian C. Cooper's home town!

--Motor from a 1958 Hoover Constellation vaccum cleaner!

--Coffee grounds!

--Authentic rusty nail!

--One old plunger handle (suction cup part not included)!

--Owners manual for a Sony Walkman!

--Three Legos! (Disinfect before using)

--Tangled-up bundle of non-working Christmas lights!

--Special surprises unique to each box!

Photo of packaging (the Blu-Ray is in there somewhere, folks!):

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FOX, MGM ANNOUNCE NEW VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF CATALOG TITLE MARKETING

Century City, CA--Fox Home Entertainment and MGM Home Entertainment announced today the hiring of a new Vice President of Catalog Title Marketing, who will oversee the release of vintage titles for both studios. Dr. Henry J. Earles, D.D.S., was a surprise choice, having no previous experience in the Home Entertainment field, and for having been in a persistent vegatative state since a tragic car accident in 2007.

Spokeman Janet Pearson said "Some may be surprised that we chose a dentist, but we have never considered knowledge of films or an understanding of the consumer base for those films as necessary qualifications for holding a job in catalog marketing. In some ways, those qualitites would hurt, rather than help a candidate."

In regards to Dr. Earles being in a coma, "We knew we had to step up our hiring of the disabled after Sony Home Entertainment hired a blind man to design their packaging. By hiring Dr. Earles, we will be helping his family get some income during difficult times, so this is really a win-win all around. The comatose are greatly discriminated against in the workplace; this may be our first step to redress those wrongs, but we promise it won't be the last."

Madeleine Earles, the doctor's wife, seemed rather baffled by it all and said "I just don't get it. Henry never even cared for movies much. He was more of a sports fan."

Said Ms. Pearson "We feel Dr. Earles is the perfect fit for Fox and MGM's new strategy for catalog marketing. For example, many fans were disappointed that MGM only released 8 catalog titles during the first half of 2009. When they find out we won't be releasing any in the second half, they'll learn to lower their expectations, and thus be less disappointed. And what are they going to do about it--blame the guy in a coma? That would be just cruel. Nobody is that mean."

When asked about MGM's much-requested Hammer titles, Ms. Kostisch replied, "We receive a number of letters and e-mails asking for us to release our Hammer titles, but, frankly, old industrial films from a hardware and tool company simply won't sell in today's market. I mean, if these were horror movies we could probably do something, but movies about tools? Are you kidding? We did consider releasing one of them, UMPIRE CIRCUS, last spring as part of our baseball promotion with EIGHT MEN OUT and BULL DURHAM, but it turns out it wasn't about baseball at all. Weird."